How to scold your bozz

Jgn benci kucing Lawak Hari ini

Budin seorang yang amat benci pada kucing, entah apa silap yang telah
dibuat oleh kucing padanya tiada siapa yang tahu.
Walaupun begitu, jodoh pertemuan sememangnya ketentuan Ilahi, Budin bertemu
jodoh dengan Gayah yang sememangnya amat suka dan cinta pada kucing. Bukan
itu sahaja, sebelum berkahwin dengan Budin, Gayah sudah sedia ada membela
seekor kucing siam .

Maka dari hari ke hari, bertambah benci dan meluatlah Budin pada kucing
terutama si Tompok, kucing siam peliharaan isterinya. Apa tidaknya, Gayah
lebih memberi tumpuan kepada si Tompok dalam kehidupan sehari-hariannya.
Hal ini membuatkan Budin beranggapan, Gayah lebih sayang si Tompok
berbanding dengan dirinya.

Akibat tidak mahu terus tertekan dengan keadaan ini, Budin membuat
rancangan untuk mengusir si Tompok dari hidupnya dan hidup isterinya,
Gayah. Maka, bermulalah dengan rancangan jahat Budin.

Pucuk dicita ulam yang mendatang, ketika isterinya sedang asyik mandi,
Budin dengan tanpa segan silunya telah menangkap si Tompok, disumbat dalam
karung beras Mehsuri. Tanpa berlengah terus merempit motor kapcainya
sehingga jauh dari rumahnya , lebih kurang 10 km lalu dihumbanlah si Tompok
tanpa belas kasihan. Dengan hati gembira, baliklah dia ke rumah dengan
siulan mengikut rentah lagu "Cindai" nyanyian Siti Nurhaliza.

Tapi, kegembiraan hanyalah sementara bila tiba di rumah si Tompok dengan
sombong bongkaknya melanggok depan pintu lagaknya menyambut kepulangan
Budin. Sakitnya hati Budin tak dapat digambarkan.

Besoknya, Budin meneruskan rancangan jahatnya. Kali ini lebih jauh dibawa
si Tompok, 20 km dari rumahnya. Tetapi seperti semalam Tompok berjaya
mendahuluinya pulang ke rumah. Budin tidak putus asa begitu sahaja,
alang-alang peluk pekasam, biar habis basah sampai ke pangkal lenggan.

Maka nekadlah Budin, kali ini dia bukan sahaja hendak buang Tompok lagi
jauh tapi dibawanya Tompok pusing-pusing dahulu. Habis semual jalan
ditempuh, sekijap ke kiri, sikijap ke kanan, yang lurus, yang bengkok,
segala kona, segala selekoh habis dirempitnya dan akhirnya si Tompok
dibuang begitu sahaja.

Selang berapa minit kemudian, Budin menelefon Gayah. Budin: Ayang, Tompok
ada kat dalam rumah tak, tanya Budin dengan penuh suspen lagi
berdebar-debar...

Gayah: Ada , ada dekat depan pintu tu ha, Kenapa? tanya Gayah keheranan.
Budin: Panggil dia! herdik Budin dengan nada yang tinggi...
Gayah: Kenapa? tanya Gayah lagi.
Budin. Aku nak tanya dia, bagaimana nak balik ke rumah. Aku sesat ni!...


kah.. kah.. kah...

Husband & Wife Story

The stories are short but very humorous ! Enjoy!


Husband & Wife - Why divorce?

In a divorce court a woman requested the judge: "Your honor, I want
to divorce my husband." "But why?" asked the judge. She replied,
"Because he is not faithful to me." The judge asked, "How do you know?
She replied, "My lord, not a single child resembles him."



Husband & Wife - Love Your Enemy

From his death bed, the husband called his wife and said, "One month
after I die I want you to marry Samy." " Samy! But he is your enemy! "
"Yes, I know that! I've suffered all these years so let him suffer now”



Husband & Wife - Wedding Ring

At the cocktail party, one woman said to another,
"Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?
"The other replied, "Yes I am, I married the wrong man."



Husband & Wife - Why?

"Dad, I was away for a week. Yesterday I sent a fax to my wife I'd
be home that night, and when I got into my room I found my wife in
another man's arms. "Why, Dad? Tell me why!" Dad kept silent for a
few minutes, then coolly said, "Maybe, Son, she didn't get the fax."



Husband & Wife - Same Service

A husband visited a marriage counselor and said, "When we were first
married, I would come home from the office, my wife would bring my
slippers and our cute little dog would run around barking. Now after
ten years it's all different, I come home, the dog brings the slippers
and my wife runs around barking." "Why complain?" said the counselor
"You're still getting the same service!"



Husband & Wife - Talk About Husband

One woman told another: "My neighbor is always speaking ill of her
husband, but look at me, my husband is foolish, lazy and a coward;
but have I ever said anything bad about him?"



Husband & Wife - Love To Do

A wife, one evening, drew her husband's attention to the couple next
door and said, "Do you see that couple? How devoted they are? He
kisses her every time they meet. Why don't you do that?" "I would
love to. "Replied the husband. "But I don't know her well enough."



Husband & Wife - No Answer Back

A man was telling his friends, "When my wife is infuriated, she
starts shouting at me, my children and even at our dogs and nobody
dares answer her." One of his friends asked. "And when you are angry,
what do you do?" The man replied, "I also shout angrily at the
windows and doors of the house and none of them dares to answer
back.



Husband & Wife - Come Home Late

A woman was complaining to the neighbor that her husband always
came home late, no matter how she tried to stop him. "Take my
advice," said the neighbor, "and do what I did. Once my husband
came home at three o'clock in the morning, and from my bed I
called out: "Is that you, Jim?" And that cured him. "Cured him!"
asked the woman, "but how?" The neighbor said, "You see, his name
is Bill."



Husband & Wife - Problem Father

"You looked troubled," I told my friend, "what's your problem?" He
replied, "I'm going to be a father." "But that's wonderful," I said.
"What's wonderful? My wife doesn't know about it yet.

Medical Advise

I DON'T KNOW WHICH DOCTOR WROTE THIS, BUT I LIKE HIM!


HEALTH QUESTION & ANSWER SESSION

Q:I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.


Q:Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A:No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q:How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A:Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A:Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good !

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy?HELLO . Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And remember:

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO, What a Ride"

RM1000 & Telur

Ada seorang pak cik yang bernama Pak DI yang sangat kaya. Setiap hari
beliau akan menyimpan RM1000 di bank. Setiap hari tepat pukul 9 pagi
Pak Di dah pun bersiap sedia terpacak di kuanter bank untuk menympan RM1000nya.
Setelah lebih kurang setahun berlalu, kehadirannya setiap haridisedari
oleh Manager Bank. Menager Bank itu pun memanggilnya ke office danbertanya.

Manager : Setiap hari saya lihat pak cik akan menyimpan RM1000
dibank.Apa kerja pak cik?

Pak DI : Saya ni sebenarnya takde kerja encik. Cuma saya suka bertaruh.
Setiap hari saya akan bertaruh dan saya tak pernah kalah.

Manager : Ooo... ini sudah cukup bagus. Tapi pak cik mungkin belum
bertemu dengan orang yang teror macam saya ni. Kalau pak cik bertaruh
dengan saya jangan haraplah nak menang.

Pak DI : Iye ke? Kalau macam tu jom kita bertaruh.

Manager : Okay. Sebutkan apa saja pak cik nak bertaruh dengan saya.

Pak DI: Macam ni... dalam tempoh 7 hari dari sekarang encik akan
kehilangan telur encik. Kalau betul encik akan hilang RM1000,
kalau tak saya akan bayar encik RM1000.

Manager : Hahaha.. tak logiklah pak cik. Tapi tak pe... saya setuju.


Setelah kedua-duanya setuju mereka pun beredar. Besoknya bila bangun
pagi Manager tu pun meraba telurnya.. ooh masih ada.Begitulahseterusnya
hinggalah sampai ke hari yang ketujuh dia dapati telurnya masih lagi


ada.......Dengan suka hatinya Manager tersebut pun pergilah
berjumpadengan Pak DI.


Manager : Pak cik sorrylah ye.. telur saya masih lagi ada..

Pak DI : Betul ke? Aku tak percaya... Mari sini aku pegang...Lalu
dipegangnya anu Manager tu.

Sambil tersenyum Pak DI pun berkata..Okaylah..
Betul kata kau. Nah ambil RM1000 ni.

Pak DI pun menghulurkannya.

Manager : Hari ni baru pak cik tahu siapa yang teror... Sorrylah
pakcik.Hari ni pak cik tak dapat pergi bank lagi laaaa keh.. keh..
keh...


Tiba-tiba Pak Di mengeluarkan RM4000 dan pergi ke kuanter bank. Manager
tersebut rasa hairan lalu bertanya pada Pak DI.....

Manager: mana pak cik dapat duit sebanyak tu?

Pak DI : Pak cik bertaruh dengan kawan pak cik Guard kat luar tu tadi
RM5000.


Manager : Bertaruh apa?


Pak DI : Bertaruh yang pak cik dapat pegang telur Manager Bank.....








Manager : Tak guna punya orang tua....

A simple truth about life.....

Got this from a friend of mine. Something to ponder.

Don't hide your feelings if u don't want to lose someone . . .

There is a story of a man.. Who always kept his feelings towards his
friend. Until the day she got married.. He decided to tell her the truth
and.. She felt that it's a good joke for her wedding.

There is a story of a man... Who has never told his wife how much he loves
her.. Until the day she passed away. Until now, he keeps sending flowers
to her grave everyday.. With thousand kisses on the card saying "I love
you". Would she be able to know?

Yet, there is a story of a girl... Who always needed a warm hug from her
daddy. But she was too shy to ask for... Until the day he can never hug her
any more.

A lot of stories happen everyday. You could know what had happened
yesterday. How can you be sure what will happen tomorrow? Think of
Something you never say. Are you waiting until t! he day? Just say..
“I love you...”

If you like to get out from a noisy party and walk together outside only..
with that someone, you are in love.

When you are together with that someone, you pretend to ignore him/her. But
when that someone is not around you, you might look around to find him/her.
At that moment, you are in love.

Although there is someone else who always makes you laugh, your eyes and
attention.. might go only to that someone. Then, you are in love.

When you look at a group picture, you might rather look for that special
someone (to know who was next to him/her or how he/she look like in that
picture) than look for yourself. Then, you realise that you are in love.

You have to hook out your telephone line for your busy study, but you
cannot do it for one phone call from that special someone. Then, you are in
love.

If you are much more exciting for one short email from that someone than
other many long emails, you are in love.

When you get a couple of free movie tickets, You would not hesitate to
think of that special someone Then, you are in love.

You keep telling yourself, "He/She is just a friend," but you realise that
you can not help avoiding the special attraction from him/her. At that
moment, you are in love.

While you are reading this mail, if someone appear in your mind, you are
deeply in love . . .

Cuba teka siapa saya

Assalamualaikum. Ingin aku ceritakan sedikit tentang kisah hidup aku. Aku dilahirkan didalam sebuah keluarga yang sederhana. Kedua ibubapa ku ialah guru.

Alhamdulillah..aku dianugerahkan oleh Allah akal yang cerdik. Dalam usia 18 tahun aku telah mendapat biasiswa untuk melanjutkan pelajaran ke luar negara iaitu di negara matahari terbit, Jepun. Aku mengambil jurusan Kejuruteraan...dalam masa beberapa tahun disana aku fasih bertutur dalam bahasa Jepun.

Selepas bertungkus- lumus hampir 5 tahun akhirnya aku berjaya mendapat segulung Ijazah. Aku tidak terus balik ke tanah air..sebaliknya aku mengambil keputusan untuk terus menetap disini dan bekerja untuk mengambil sedikit pengalaman. Dalam usia semuda 23 tahun aku bekerja sebagai Eksekutif di sebuah firma terkemuka Jepun.

Aku cepat menyerap segala ilmu yang dipelajari semasa bekerja disini. 3 tahun lebih bekerja akhirnya aku mendapat kepercayaan pihak pengurusan dan dinaikkan pangkat dari Eksekutif ke penolong pengurus dan seterusnya menjadi Pengurus termuda didalam Firma tersebut.
Hampir 6 tahun bekerja disana akhirnya aku diarahkan oleh majikan aku untuk pulang ke Malaysia.

Mereka telah melakukan pelaburan di Malaysiadan telah membuka sebuah Firma baru disini dan akulah orang yang paling layak untuk mengendalikan firma mereka disini. Alahamdulillah...aku dilantik sebagai Pengarah Urusan.

Aku bekerja siang dan malam...bertungkus lumus...dunia aku hanyalah di pejabat.Sekarang aku mempunyai 3 orang cahayamata anugerah tak ternilai dari Allah SWT.

Tahun demi tahun aku semakin sibuk dengan urusan kerja. Firma yang aku kendalikan telah bertambah maju dan akhirya disenaraikan di papan kedua bursa saham Kuala Lumpur. Tidak sampai 7 tahun beroperasi sekali lagi kami telah disenaraikan ke papan utama BSKL. Hasil penat lelah selama ini ahkirnya berbaloi....aku dilantik sebagai CEO tempatan pertama di firma ini dengan bergaji sebanyak RM38 ribu bersih sebulan beserta 3 buah kereta mewah... Syukur Alhamdulillah.

Dalam usia 46 tahun sebagai CEO....aku mula terasa kehilangan sesuatu !!!!!!
Kebahagian keluarga.....

Kesibukan aku menyebabkan aku serahkan segala tugas sebagai seorang ayah kepada isteriku. Hubungan aku bersama keluarga renggang. Anak-anak aku tak terurus...yang sulung dah tak macam orang...rambut warna merah...bertindik di hidung. Apabila tiba waktu makan malam sudah tidak bersama lagi.

Segalanya kucar kacir. Pelajaran mereka pun entah kemana... Aku terlalu sibuk di pejabat. Meeting sana sini. Lunch pun nak meeting....main golf pun bincang pasal kerja....dinner pun meeting lagi!!!!...sampai tiada masa untuk bersolat!!

Setiap pagi aku kena periksa segala lapuran-lapuran eksekutif aku...sebelah petang kena buat report pada Board of Directors. Sembahyang 5 waktu aku tunggang terbalik....kekadang buat ...kekadangterlupa...masyaallah !!!! Setiap hari ada temujanji bersama client aku dari Jepun.

Aku mungkin kaya...tetapi jiwa aku kosong...kadang kala jiwa akutertekan!!!
Bila aku pulang ke rumah lewat malam aku bersolat....aku menangis...aku memohon doa kepada Allah semoga diberikanketenangan jiwa. Semoga keluarga ku bersatu kembali.

Selang seminggu aku bernekad...!!!! Aku telah meletakkan jawatan ku sebagai CEO.
Aku tinggalkan gaji aku sebanyak RM38K sebulan dan aku pulangkan kesemua kereta-kereta mewahku pada syarikat. Keluarga ku terkejut. Isteriku menangis....tetapi bukan menangis marahkan aku meninggalkan jawatan sebagai CEO...tetapi menangis kerana gembira...mereka gembira akhirnya aku kembali kepada mereka..!!!

Aku beritahu mereka aku ingin berniaga sendiri. Buka gerai jual Kuew Tiaw Goreng..!!!!
Aku diketawakan oleh mereka....tak apa aku akan buktikan yang bekas CEO akan lebih berjaya dengan berniaga kuew tiaw goreng !!!!

Dengan sedikit pengalaman sebagai tukang masak (tukang masak tak bertauliah) semasa belajar di Jepun dan sedikit duit simpanan aku memulakan perniagaan pertama aku di sekitar Ampang...bersebelahan dengan Citroen Showroom. Aku dibantu oleh anak sulung aku.

Hari pertama berniaga aku mendapat untung RM170.00 sehari. Berniaga dari jam 4 petang hingga 10 malam. Hari Kedua dapat RM 120.00 sehari. Hari ketiga dapat RM220.00 sehari....alhamdulillah. Dan hari-hari seterusnya lebih kurang RM380.00. sehari.

Anggaran kasar pendapatan aku sebulan lebih kurang RM9,880.00 untuk satu gerai. Perniagaan aku bertambah maju dalam 8 bulan aku membuka satu lagi gerai di Cheras...dari 2 gerai aku membuka 3..dan seterusnya sehingga sekarang aku memiliki 6 gerai makanan. Pendapatan bersih dari 6 gerai tadi aku memperolehi rezeki dari Allah dalam RM60,000.00 SEBULAN. Bayangkan pendapatan seorang CEO RM38K sebulan dan pendapatan dari berniaga Kuew Tiaw sebulan RM60K. Kini aku bersenang lenang bersama-sama keluarga ku. Setiap bulan kami bercuti bersama.

Kini aku telah dapat kembali keluarga ku yang 'hilang'. Anak-anak aku memang malas nak meneruskan pelajaran mereka. Jadi aku latih mereka berniaga. Merekalah sekarang yang menjalan perniagaan tersebut. Aku cuma memantau...atau lebih kurang jadi 'chairman'....dan anak-anak aku sebagai Directornya.

Sekali-sekali aku melihat jam di tangan. Oh, baru pukul 2.30.. lambat lagi nak balik.Cepat la sikit pukul 5.00. Beginilah kehidupan aku seorang kerani kerajaan...

Laa....hampeh betul citer ni. Mat Jenin rupanyerr..........

Don't wait for Tomorrow (Loving)

The Perfect BOSS

There were about 70 scientists working on a very hectic project. All of them were really frustrated due to the pressure of work and the demands
of their boss but everyone was loyal to him and did not think of quitting the job.

One day, one scientist came to his boss and told him - Sir, I have promised to my children that I will take them to the exhibition going on in
our township. So I want to leave the office at 5 30 pm.

His boss replied "OK, You're permitted to leave the office early today"

The Scientist started working. He continued his work after lunch. As usual he got involved to such an extent that he looked at his watch when he
felt he was close to completion. The time was 8.30 PM. Suddenly he remembered of the promise he had given to his children.

He looked for his boss, He was not there. Having told him in the morning itself, he closed everything and left for home.

Deep within himself, he was feeling guilty for having disappointed his children. He reached home. Children were not there. His wife alone was
sitting in the hall and reading magazines.

The situation was explosive; any talk would boomerang on him. His wife asked him "Would you like to have coffee or shall I straight away
serve dinner if you are hungry.

The man replied "If you would like to have coffee, i too will have but what about Children??" Wife replied, "You don't know?? Your manager came here at 5.15 PM and has taken the children to the exhibition "

What had really happened was ... The boss who granted him permission was observing him working seriously at 5.00 PM. He thought to himself, this person will not leave the work, but if he has promised his children they should enjoy the visit to exhibition.

So he took the lead in taking them to exhibition

The boss does not have to do it every time. But once it is done, loyalty is established.

That is why all the scientists at Thumba continued to work under their boss even though the stress was tremendous.

By the way, can you hazard a guess as to who the boss was..?

He was none other than Dr. APJ Abdul Kalam, President of India . . .

Joke for the day - things r not always how they seem...

Dear Husband:

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for
good. I've been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing
to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called
to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw.
Last week, you came home and didn't notice that I had gotten my hair
and nails done, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new
negligee. You came home and ate in two minut es, and went straight to
sleep after watching the game. You don't tell me you love me anymore,
you don't touch me or anything. Either you're cheating or you don't
love me anymore, what ever the case is, I'm gone.

P.S. If you're trying to find me, don't. Your BROTHER and I are moving
away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!

Your EX-Wife

Dear Ex-Wife

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true
that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good
woman is a far cry from what you've been. I watch sports so much to
try to drown out your constant nagging. Too bad that doesn't work.

I did notice when you cut off all of your hair last week, the first
thing that came to mind was "You look just like a man!" My mother raised
me to not say anything if you can't say anything nice.

When you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with
MY BROTHER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago.

I went to sleep on you when you had on that new negligee because the
price tag was still on it. I prayed that it was a coincidence that my
brother had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning and your
negligee was $49.99. After all of this, I still loved you and felt that
we could work it out.

So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for ten million dollars,
I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home
you were gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope you have
the filling life you always wanted.

My lawyer said with your letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime from
me. So take care.

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but Carl, my brother was
born Carla. I hope that's not a problem.

Singaporean Dictionary

1) LILY - adverb. Extremely, really
"Wah, you lily can sing well ah!"
>
2) VALLEY - adverb. extremely (same with lily)
"Look! My Versachee belt, valley nice hor?"

3) GORGES - adj. stunningly beautiful, normally found with valley "Wah!
Ah Beng's girlflan is valley gorges leh!"

4) CORAL - verb. to bicker
"Why, you not happy, ah? Want to coral, is it?"

5) REEF - (normally followed with coral) to argue ! with
"You lily want to coral reef me ah?"

6) ALTITUDE - adjective. a disagreeable demeanour
"Ah Lian lily got a bad altitude ploblem".

7) CIRRUS - adjective. certain
"You cirrus or not? Dun bruff!"

8) CANOPY - phrase. impossible
"He bought new hand phone? Canopy lah! Where got money?"

9) OLDLADY - adjective. completed
"Wah...you finish oldlady ah."

10) SUIT - verb. to project forward
"Suit! Suit! See goalkeeper come out
oldlady."

11) SOW - verb. to reveal
"Sow me, sow me your new ting."

12) LOAD - noun. a path normally made up of gravel & tar
"We go Orchard Load leh."

13) BLINK - verb. deliver, send
"What you blink for me? Sow me, sow me."

Enhancing relationships... nice one!!

jadik pakar motivasi kejap.. khikhikhi..

MUTUAL TRUST

TRUST is a very important factor for all relationships. When trust is broken, it is the end of the relationship. Lack of trust leads to suspicion, suspicion generates anger, anger causes enmity and enmity may result in separation.

A telephone operator told me that one day she received a phone call. She answered, "Public Utilities Board." There was silence. She repeated, "PUB." There was still no answer. When she was going to cut off the line, she Heard a lady's voice, "Oh, so this is PUB. Sorry, I got the number from my Husband's pocket but I do not know whose number it is."

Without mutual trust, just imagine what will happen to the couple if the telephone operator answered with just "hello" instead of "PUB".


NO POINTING FINGERS

A man asked his father-in-law, "Many people praised you for a successful marriage. Could you please share with me your secret?" The father-in-law answered in a smile, "Never criticize your wife for her shortcomings or when she does something wrong. Always bear in mind that because of her shortcomings and weaknesses, she could not find a better husband than you."

We all look forward to being loved and respected. Many people are afraid of losing face. Generally, when a person makes a mistake, he would look around to find a scapegoat to point the finger at. This is the start of a war. We should always remember that when we point one finger at a person, the other four fingers are pointing at ourselves.

If we forgive the others, others will ignore our mistake too.


CREATING PERFECT RELATIONSHIPS

A person visited the government matchmaker for marriage, SDU, and requested "I am looking for a spouse. Please help me to find a suitable one." The SDU officer said, "Your requirements, please." "Oh, good looking, polite, humorous, sporty, knowledgeable, good in singing and dancing. Willing to accompany me the whole day at home during my leisure hour, if I don't go out. Telling me interesting stories when I need companion for conversation and be silent when I want to rest." The officer listened carefully and replied, "I understand you need a television."

There is a saying that a perfect match can only be found between a blind wife and a deaf husband ,because the blind wife cannot see the faults of the husband and the deaf husband cannot hear the nagging of the wife. Many couples are blind and deaf at the courting stage and dream of perpetual perfect relationship. Unfortunately, when the excitement of love wears off, they wake up and discover that marriage is not a bed of roses. The nightmare begins.


NO OVERPOWERING

Many relationships fail because one party tries to overpower another or demands too much. People in love tend to think that love will conquer all and their spouses will change the bad habits after marriage. Actually, this is not the case. There is a Chinese saying which carries the meaning that "It is easier to reshape a mountain or a river than a person's character."

It is not easy to change. Thus, having high expectation on changing the spouse character will cause disappointment and unpleasantness.

It would be less painful to change ourselves and lower our expectations..


RIGHT SPEECH

There is a Chinese saying which carries the meaning that "A speech will either prosper or ruin a nation." Many relationships break off because of wrong speech. When a couple is too close with each other,we always forget mutual respect and courtesy. We may say anything without considering if it would hurt the other party.

A friend and her millionaire husband visited their construction site. A worker who wore a helmet saw her and shouted, "Hi, Emily! Remember
me? We used to date in the secondary school." On the way home, her millionaire husband teased her, "Luckily you married me.Otherwise
you will be the wife of a construction worker." She answered ,"You should appreciate that you married me. Otherwise, he will be the millionaire
and not you."

Frequently exchanging these remarks plants the seed for a bad relationship. It's like a broken egg - cannot be reversed.

PERSONAL PERCEPTION

Different people have different perception. One man's meat could be another man's poison. A couple bought a donkey from the market. On the way home,a boy commented, "Very stupid. Why neither of them ride on the donkey?"Upon hearing that, the husband let the wife ride on the donkey. He walked besides them. Later, an old man saw it and commented, "The husband is the head of family. How can the wife ride on the donkey while the husband is on foot?" Hearing this, the wife quickly got down and let the husband ride on the donkey.

Further on the way home, they met an old Lady. She commented, "How can the man ride on the donkey but let the wife walk. He is no gentleman." The husband thus quickly asked the wife to join him on the donkey. Then, they met a young man. He commented, "Poor donkey, how can you hold up the weight of two persons. They are cruel to you." Hearing that, the husband and wife immediately climbed down from the donkey and carried it on their shoulders.

It seems to be the only choice left. Later, on a narrow bridge, the donkey was frightened and struggled. They lost their balance and fell into the river. You can never have everyone praise you, nor will everyone condemn you. Never in the past, not at present, and never will be in the future.

Thus, do not be too bothered by others words if our conscience is clear..


BE PATIENT

This is a true story which happened in the States. A man came out of his home to admire his new truck. To his puzzlement, his three-year-old son was happily hammering dents into the shiny paint of the truck. The man ran to his son, knocked him away, hammered the little boy's hands into pulp as punishment. When the father calmed down, he rushed his son to the hospital. Although the doctor tried desperately to save the crushed bones, he finally had to amputate the fingers from both the boy's hands. When the boy woke up from the surgery & saw his bandaged stubs, he innocently said, " Daddy,I'm sorry about your truck." Then he asked, "but when are my fingers going to grow back?" The father went home & committed suicide.

Think about this story the next time someone steps on your feet or u wish to take revenge. Think first before u lose your patience with someone u love. Trucks can be repaired.. Broken bones & hurt feelings often can't. Too often we fail to recognize the difference between the person and the performance. We forget that forgiveness is greater than revenge. People make mistakes. We are allowed to make mistakes. But the actions we take while in a rage will haunt us forever.

Jealousy - Something To Ponder

No one wants a jealous mate and no one likes being jealous. Jealousy
creates anxiety, anger, loneliness, hate, fear. No one thinks clearly
when feeling jealous.

Having a relationship with a jealous person is tough. The jealous person
acts untrusting or unworthy. Jealousy makes the person unattractive,
even repulsive.

What causes jealousy?

"Jealousy is the largest factor in breaking up marriages. Jealousy comes
about because of the insecurity of the jealous person and the jealousy
may or may not have foundation. This person is afraid of hidden
communication lines and will do anything to try to uncover them."
When you are jealous, a line of communication appears to exist with your
spouse or lover that is hidden from you. The mystery causes the pain. If
you witnessed your spouse's communication line, so it was not hidden
from you, you would not feel jealous.

Hidden communication lines or mysteries make you think of questions.
"Will she find someone she likes better than me?" "Is he having an
affair?" "Is she going to leave me?" "Does he think I'm unattractive?"

When you are jealous, the mystery makes you assume the worst. "Maybe
he'll fall in love with his cute receptionist and leave me." "She's
going to lunch with her old boyfriend because she's still attracted to
him." "He'll come home and tell me he wants a divorce."

How to Dissolve Jealousy

"Communication is the root of marital success from which a strong union
can grow, and non-communication is the rock on which the ship will bash
out her keel*." (*Keel: The main structural part of a ship that goes
from bow to stern-front to back.)

If you are jealous, you need to communicate. You need to stop assuming
the worst and ask questions. Communicate your feelings so you can work
out solutions.

Bob says to his wife, "I don't want to feel this jealously. I want to
get rid of it by asking you a question, okay? Good. So are you attracted
to Joe?"

His wife says, "Heavens no! Joe just wanted some help with his son. I
love YOU like crazy!"

Bang! The hidden communication is revealed. The mystery is resolved. Bob
feels much better.

If Bob doesn't communicate, his wife's communication with Joe makes Bob
jealous, afraid and angry. Their marriage suffers.

If your mate is jealous, make sure you have no hidden lines of
communication. "Would you like to read this letter from Jill?" "Can you
meet with Joe to help with his son?"

Use communication to resolve the problem. For example, you notice Marcia
is acting upset and not talking. You ask yourself, "What communication
line might be hidden from Marcia?" You realize she's been acting annoyed
ever since you started working for an attractive female boss.

"Marcia, have I told you about my new boss?" Marcia jumps up and now
wants to talk. You communicate the facts and remove the mystery. Marcia
is cheerful and wants to go to a movie.

As well as using communication to resolve mysteries, communicate your
feelings for your spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend. Tell him or her how
you feel. Express your love. Show your affection.

Resolve the mysteries of the past. Discuss your feelings in the present.
Make plans for the future. Because of communication, your relationship
will be a big success..

Lawak Dalam Keretapi.. hihihi.. hihi..

Seorang pemuda sedang dalam perjalanannya kembali ke
Kuala Lumpur dengan
menaiki keretapi Mel-malam. Antara penumpang yang
ramai ada seorang tua
yang duduk disebelahya. Setelah lama berdiam diri,
sambil menguap si pemuda
bertanya kepada orang tua tersebut, " Pakcik, pukul
berapa sekarang?"


Sebuah pertanyaan yang biasa, yang kadangkala kita
tujukan kepada
sesiapapun kan? Dan selalunya kita akan mendapat
jawapan. Namun kali ini
sungguh diluar dugaan, orang tua tadi berdiam diri
sahaja.


Mungkin orang tua ini kurang pendengaran, berkata
pemuda tersebut di dalam
hati. Dia mengulanginya sampai 3 kali. Namun orang
tua itu tetap berdiam
diri tanpa sebarang riak dari wajahnya.


Pemuda tersebut mencuit orang tua tersebut dan
berkata, "Saya hairan
mengapa pakcik tidak menjawap pertanyaan saya?
Salahkah saya bertanya?


Orang tua itu menoleh sambil berkata, "Bukannya saya
tidak mahu
menjawap,tapi nanti kalau saya jawap, kita pasti
akan bersoal jawap
mengenai soal ini soal itu, dan akhirnya kita akan
bertambah mesra."


Si pemuda termangu mendengar ceramah orang tua itu.
Terus dia bertanya
lagi, "Lalu apa salahnya kalau kita menjadi lebih
mesra?"


Orang tua itu berkata lagi, "Apabila kita bertambah
mesra ketika anak gadis
dan isteri saya menjemput saya di Kuala Lumpur,
nanti kita akan turun
sama-sama.Dan saya pasti mengenalkan mereka kepada
kamu."


Si pemuda itu tambah bingung dan tidak tentu arah.
"Jadi?" tanyanya lagi.


"Isteri saya orangnya baik sekali kepada semua
orang, takut nanti dia
mempelawa anda ke rumah. Nanti kamu akan mandi dan
berehat di rumah saya,
dan juga akan kami jamu di rumah saya. Setelah itu
kamu boleh menjadi rapat
dengan anak gadis saya dan kamu akan menjadi teman
lelaki anak saya.
Lama-lama kamu akan menjadi menantu saya," katanya
lagi.


Si pemuda yang tadi sudah bingung sekarang semakin
bingung.Terus dia
bertanya, "Pakcik, apakah hubungannya semua ini
dengan pertanyaan saya yang
pertama?


Sambil berdiri orang tua tersebut menjawap dengan
lantang, "Masalahnya?,
SAYA TIDAK MAHU MEMPUNYAI MENANTU SEPERTI KAMU. JAM
TANGAN PON TAKDERRR!
CIKAI BETUL!!"
- Moral Cerita: Pakailah jam tangan sebelum menaiki
keretapi mel-malam ke
Kuala Lumpur, kalau hendak beristeri.

Food For Thought..

A story/lesson to share with all of u. Interesting and how applicable it is to our lives!!!



"A group of alumni, highly established in their careers, got together to visit their old university professor. Conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in work and life. Offering his guests coffee, the professor went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups - porcelain, plastic, glass, crystal,
>some plain looking, some expensive, some exquisite - telling them to help themselves to hot coffee.

When all the students had a cup of coffee in hand, the professor said:
"If you noticed, all the nice looking expensive cups were taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is but normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress.

What all of you really wanted was coffee, not the cup, but you consciously went for the best cups and were eyeing each other's cups.

Now if life is coffee, then the jobs, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain Life, but the quality of Life doesn't change. Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee in it. "So, don't let the cups drive you... Enjoy the coffee instead."

Warkah Pilu Dari Ayah..

Sedih ahh warkah dari ayah nie.. nangis baca :(.. Al Fatehah..

Al~Fatihah... akhirnya pada usia 150 hari, anakku mengadap Pencipta-nyaA'kum w.b.t...Setelah bertarung dengan penyakit yang secara purata pengidapnya hanyadapat bertahan setakat 2 minggu selepas dilahirkan(hypophosphatasia-komplikasi dengan kandungan kalsium dalam tulangbelakang), akhirnya perjuangan Alesha Abriza, satu-satunya permatahatiku berakhir sebaik sahaja azan subuh 13 Mei 2006 (15 Rabiulakhir1427) berakhir. Pada subuh itu, genap usianya 150 hari di muka bumi ini.Dari jumlah itu, hanya 2 hari beliau berada disisi kami di rumah danselebihnya di wad NICU Hospital Putrajaya dan Hospital Seremban.Alesha tetap memberikan senyuman kepada kami disaat-saat akhirkehidupannya. Beliau tidak pernah menyusahkan kami malahan doktor danjururawat yang merawatnya.Dimalam terakhir hayatnya, Alesha langsung tidak menganggu kami.Sepanjang malam itu, Alesha tidur dengan amannya.

Pada pukul 4.40 pagi,Alesha mulai menunjukkan tanda-tanda akan meninggalkan kami selamanya.Tubuh badannya mulai membiru dan menjadi sejuk. Pihak hospitalmemberikan ruang kepada kami anak beranak untuk bersendirian. Kamibertiga, Alesha, isteriku dan aku sendiri berpelukkan dan membisikkankalimah tauhid di telinganya.

Sejenak sebelum Alesha menghembuskan nafasnya, azan subuh berkumandang.Isteriku memohon pada Alesha, katanya: "Lesha sebelum pergi senyumlahpada mama... mama dan papa redha Alesha pergi... senyumlah sayang".Kata-kata itu akan menjadi tangkal bagi saya selama-lamanya.Seolah-olahnya Alesha Abriza faham akan permintaan dari ibunya itu.Alesha telah menoleh pada ibunya, memberikan sekuntum senyuman yangpaling manis buat ibunya, jelas juga kelihatan setitik air matanyamengalir di penjuru matanya, sebelum nafas terakhirnya diragut! Makasempurnalah sudah rahmat Allah kepada hambaNya pada pagi itu.Impian isteriku untuk memandikan Alesha akhirnya terlaksana jua setelahtidak berkesempatan memandikannya sewaktu hayat Alesha.

Pagi itu,jenazah Alesha dimandikan sendiri oleh ibunya. Sebaik sahaja jenazahAlesha dikapankan, kami telah dibenarkan untuk menciumnya. Sungguh tidaktertahan-tahankan air mataku mengalir ketika mencium dahi kecil Aleshadan membisikkan kata-kata tauhid di telinga arwah serta menyatakanbertapa aku terlalu sayangkannya, aku redha pemergiannya dan aku akan terus menganggapnya sebagai anak sulungku selamanya!

Sewaktu jenazah disolatkan, ramai yang memohon agar aku sendirimengimamkan solat jenazah. Namun aku takut tidak termampu nanti untukmembaca ayat-ayat Allah dengan betul mahupun takut tidak termampu untukmembaca doanya kerana terlalu pilu. Aku cuma mampu berdiri di shafhadapan sahaja ketika itu. Bersolatpun dengan cucuran air mata yangtidak tertahan-tahan. Satu kejadian yang kurasakan istimewa pada masaitu adalah, sebaik imam mengangkat takbir, hujan turun dalam suasanamendung. Seakan-akan menangisi pemergian seorang bidadari syurga.

Hujan tersebut betul-betul terhenti sebaik sahaja jenazah selamat dikuburkandan doa arwah selesai dibacakan!. Mungkin itu satu petanda rahmat dariAllah untuk bayi yang tidak berdosa itu.Di tanah kuburan, aku sendiri menyempurnakan pengebumian arwah. Akusendiri menunggu arwah di liang lahad, aku sendiri melonggarkan ikatankain kafannya, dan aku sendiri membuka penutup mukanya. Saat itu, saatku buka penutup muka arwah, jelas kelihatan rupa Alesha yang tersenyum.

Satu senyuman yang maha indahnya. Muka Alesha juga amat cantik danberseri-seri. Indah bercahaya rupanya sehinggakan tika aku merapatkan mukanya ke tanah di dalam lubang lahatnya, masih jelas kelihatan cahaya dari mukanya.Satu lagi peristiwa yang kurasakan agak istimewa berlaku.

Tika kuburanselesai ditutup, saat menunggu imam membacakan doa bagi arwah (talkintidak dibacakan kerana Alesha seorang bayi), jelas kedengaran ditelingaku suara seseorang berkata: "Dua bidadari syurga sedangmenunggunya... janganlah kamu risau." Suara itu amat jelas kedengaranseolah-olah bercakap kepada semua yang hadir pada masa itu. Selesaipengebumian, saya bertanya pada isteri dan ahli keluarga semuanya tidakmendengarkannya. Semoga, Alesha beroleh rahmat Allah.

Saya bersyukur kerana diberikan peluang untuk menjadi seorang ayah,walaupun hanya seketika. Saya berpeluang merasa menjaga isteri ketikamengandung dan berpantang. Semua pengalaman itu telah menjadi rahmatyang tidak terhingga dari Allah. Insyallah, saya masih bersedia untukmengulanginya.

Al-Fatihah untuk Alesha Abriza binti Shamsul (15 Dis 2005 - 13 Mei 2006)

Jawapan Untuk Soklan Yg Membosankan

kalau ader sesaper yang tanya soklan yang membosan kan anda...anda leh berikan jawapan yang boleh dier org tak kan tanya lagi.

1.semasa anda berada di setesen bas dan rakan anda bertanya
"ko tunggu bas ke?"
anda jawab: tak ar..aku ngah tunggu kapal terbang nie,lambat tul sampai.
*************
2.ketika anda hendak mandi,dan rakan sebilik bertanya
"ko hendak mandi ke?"
anda jawab : tak lah....aku nak main lelayang jap,ko nak join tak ?
*************
3.anda sedang menulis surat,dan rakan sebilik bertanya
"aik?menulis surat nampak"
anda jawab : oh yer ker? tak perasan lak.tgn aku bergerak sendiri. lepas tu jotos kepala die dengan jotosan power lagi brutal dan anda sambung lagi..." ah tu kan tgn aku jalan sendiri tuh,aku tak tahu "
**************
4.anda sedang makan nasi,dan org tegur..."makan nasi"
anda jawab : mata ko buta ke per..aku ngah minum milo ais nie!
**************
5.anda baru pulang dari kerje,dan jiran anda tegur
"baru balik dari kerje ke?"
anda jawab : tak lah saya dari rumah nak pi kerje lah nie. opis saya dah pindah kat umah...dan umah saya dah pindah kat opis.
**************
6.anda sedang sibuk buat kerje,dan rakan anda sepejabat bertanya
"eh!..ko sibuk ker?"
anda jawab : tak payah jawab anda terus kompang muka dia.
**************
7.anda sedang nonton tv citer melayu,dan rakan anda bertanya
"citer melayu ke"
anda jawab : bukan lah..ni kan citer otromen toro menentang raksasa dari planet X. kau tunggu jap nanti otromen toro kuar"

Joke Of The Day

Nie abang mana tah buat lawak pasal mak dia tercekik tulang..


Aku datang dari keluarga yg besar...16 adik beradik, bila
sesekali berkumpul, dah tentu mak aku akan buat majlis makan
besar-besar dan best-best!!!

Dalam ramai2 adik beradik, bukan semua yg suka stail aku,
apabila aku bawa gaya hidup "gaya pulang ke pangkal
jalan'"...maka adalah yg tak kena sana sini...oh..


Masa makan, aku pun duduk lah cara Nabi..(rujuk ustaz) lalu ada
yg sound:
"apahal duduk macam nak berlari ajer...."
"tak baik lutut tinggi pada makanan.."
" ni duduk ke nak berak nie..?"
Oleh sebab aku lelaki beriman, maka aku buat muka seposen...aku
pun basuh tangan.

Nota untuk mua'alaf: sebelum makan sunnah Nabi adalah basuh
kedua2 tangan dan berkumur, insyaAllah jika korang amal nie,
sebelum korang mati Allah akan mempermudahkan segala urusan
hutang piutang korang. -Hutang kereta/rumah/kahwin/ study/along
bla bla bla!!!

Sambung balik, aku pun berpikir...ada baiknya juga Nabi tak
makan pakai sudu @ garfu, kalau Nabi makan pakai sudu, susah
pulak org miskin macam aku nak ikut sunnah Nabi, nak pakai sudu
material apa? stainless steel ke inconnel 601? nak pakai colour
camne? matelic ke cooper?kan susah tu!!! tu belum lagi jika
Nabi makan pakai kerusi dan meja..bentuk bulat ke bentuk
heksagon?, oktagon?, nanagon? nak kena pergi Kedai perabot buat
ansuran mudah! jimat ! hanya RM 1 dan tunggu 30 hari,
kunjungilah kedai perabot terbesar di Malaysia, bla bla bla!!!
Oh..

Biasa korang belajar doa makan macam nie:
"Allahummabariklana (hingga akhir)
Tapi tu sebenarnya doa tengok makanan, doa makan mudah sajer:
"Bismillah, barkatillah"
Lepas tu makan lah, dengan tiga jari(sunnah Nabi) kemudian, ada
pulak suara2 yg sound: "Eh, kenyang ke makan dengan tiga jari?
"
aku kata: "huh, anak cina makan dengan dua kayu elok2 habis
nasi satu pinggan!!! "

Tapi oleh kerana aku sorang jer yg makan dengan tiga jari, org
lain makan dengan lima jari, maka aku lihat kadar flow of
suapan dan kadar quantity of lauk-pauk diorang lebih laju dan
maju, maka aku menukar jariku dari 3 kepada 5...oh..tepuk dada
tanya iman..

Kemudian aku minum dari tangan kanan yg tidak berbasuh...
Diorang tegur: "essh..pengotor betullah"
Aku kata: "Apa pulak kotor, aku makan nasi, buka tahik!!!"(tapi
aku kata dalam hati sebab aku lelaki beriman)
"Nie, apahal jilat2 jari nie? lucah betul!!"-tanya diorang pada
aku..
"Makan ayam sedap sampai ke kaki....makan sate sedap sampai ke
lidi he he heh"-kataku...

Banyak pulak diorang komplen cara aku makan..err maksud aku
cara Nabi makan... aku tahu tak berguna berdebat ngan mereka
lalu aku ubah topik dengan bertanya :
Tahukah korang kenapa lembu makan rumput dan kambing makan
daun?
Abang aku kata: sebab tengkuk lembu berat...bla bla bla..
Aku kata: "salah!!! lembu makan rumput dan kambing makan daun
sebab mereka lapar!!!(tak lawak) ha ha ha!!!"

aku menyambung: "Penting makan cara Nabi sebab kita hari2
makan, tapi bila tak ikut sunnah, maka jadi macam lembu dan
kambing makan sajer, namun bila korang makan macam Nabi saw
makan, maka di kira ibadat.. Masa nak makan, niatlah makan
kerana perintah Allah, namun kena nafikan makanan yg bagi
kenyang..hakikatnya kenyang datang dari kudrat Allah. "

Tiba2 mak aku tercekik tulang ikan..
(bayangkan seorang mak cik sedang tercekik tulang)
Kemudian, Mak aku mendapat nasihat secara berperingkat, ada yg
sarankan agar makan pisang, minum air dengan capat, makan nasi
kepal dan lain2, tapi masih tak berjaya.. kesian mak aku...

"Huh! Hamka, Takkan kau tak tahu cara sunnah Nabi nak buang
tulang tercekik camne?..cakap terer.."(kata abang aku)
Aku kata: "senang sajer...Mak angkat kedua-dua tangan ke atas.."
Mak akupun buat..tapi masih tak jadi..
Aku kata: "lurus Mak, tangan mak dua-dua kena lurus... !!!"
(bayangkan seorang makcik yg sedang duduk bersila sambil
kedua-dua tangan diluruskan ke atas, tangan kanan masih
terdapat sisa2 nasi, manakala di lengan dan tengkuk di penuhi
dengan rantai emas..)
Aku kata:
"Sekarang sebut: SUPERMAN RETURN!!!!!! "
HA HA HA..

(semua org ketawa)-nasi berhembur-hembur di sana sini.
Mak aku juga ketawa..sehingga tulang yg tercekik itu
terkeluar..semuanya dari Allah!!!
he he he...selamat mencuba, ni bukan hadith,,just pengalaman.


PS: sekiranya rakan korang menjadi mayat(over ketawa sehingga
tulang mencucuk tengkuk) sesungguhnya penulis tidak bertanggung
jawab!!! (superman pun akan jadi mayat)