Friday, July 14, 2006

Jealousy - Something To Ponder

No one wants a jealous mate and no one likes being jealous. Jealousy
creates anxiety, anger, loneliness, hate, fear. No one thinks clearly
when feeling jealous.

Having a relationship with a jealous person is tough. The jealous person
acts untrusting or unworthy. Jealousy makes the person unattractive,
even repulsive.

What causes jealousy?

"Jealousy is the largest factor in breaking up marriages. Jealousy comes
about because of the insecurity of the jealous person and the jealousy
may or may not have foundation. This person is afraid of hidden
communication lines and will do anything to try to uncover them."
When you are jealous, a line of communication appears to exist with your
spouse or lover that is hidden from you. The mystery causes the pain. If
you witnessed your spouse's communication line, so it was not hidden
from you, you would not feel jealous.

Hidden communication lines or mysteries make you think of questions.
"Will she find someone she likes better than me?" "Is he having an
affair?" "Is she going to leave me?" "Does he think I'm unattractive?"

When you are jealous, the mystery makes you assume the worst. "Maybe
he'll fall in love with his cute receptionist and leave me." "She's
going to lunch with her old boyfriend because she's still attracted to
him." "He'll come home and tell me he wants a divorce."

How to Dissolve Jealousy

"Communication is the root of marital success from which a strong union
can grow, and non-communication is the rock on which the ship will bash
out her keel*." (*Keel: The main structural part of a ship that goes
from bow to stern-front to back.)

If you are jealous, you need to communicate. You need to stop assuming
the worst and ask questions. Communicate your feelings so you can work
out solutions.

Bob says to his wife, "I don't want to feel this jealously. I want to
get rid of it by asking you a question, okay? Good. So are you attracted
to Joe?"

His wife says, "Heavens no! Joe just wanted some help with his son. I
love YOU like crazy!"

Bang! The hidden communication is revealed. The mystery is resolved. Bob
feels much better.

If Bob doesn't communicate, his wife's communication with Joe makes Bob
jealous, afraid and angry. Their marriage suffers.

If your mate is jealous, make sure you have no hidden lines of
communication. "Would you like to read this letter from Jill?" "Can you
meet with Joe to help with his son?"

Use communication to resolve the problem. For example, you notice Marcia
is acting upset and not talking. You ask yourself, "What communication
line might be hidden from Marcia?" You realize she's been acting annoyed
ever since you started working for an attractive female boss.

"Marcia, have I told you about my new boss?" Marcia jumps up and now
wants to talk. You communicate the facts and remove the mystery. Marcia
is cheerful and wants to go to a movie.

As well as using communication to resolve mysteries, communicate your
feelings for your spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend. Tell him or her how
you feel. Express your love. Show your affection.

Resolve the mysteries of the past. Discuss your feelings in the present.
Make plans for the future. Because of communication, your relationship
will be a big success..